Well this will be a long one folks. After seeing a few examples, and discussing with close family members, i have decided that i should write about some recent observations. I’m extremely sick in regards to how our culture has drastically changed. I base this feeling what I have seen or experienced personally.
So back in the olden days, I’d say from the early 1930′s up until the 1990′s there was a distinct way people publically conducted themselves which is long lost on most of my generation.
Sitting at a Starbucks, reading a new book and conversing with an old friend, i noticed a young couple, I’d say around 22, sitting three tables up. The suitor, a typical male of my generation was enjoying his coffee and eating a sandwich while his girlfriend was sitting in front of him with nothing. I will never forget the look on her face. She looked disgusted with what was happening, although i don’t know that disgust is the proper word. She had that kind of unhappy look in her eyes where you know the situation you’re in is lousy, but you can’t find the strength to do anything about it.
I’m sure your sitting there wondering how the hell i got that from her face, but when you have been in that situation, it’s just a look you come to understand. Now wondering why she was sitting there without anything in front of her led me to assume that she’s either finished, or just didn’t want anything. However, given his attitude towards her, it seemed as though he wasn’t allowing her to have anything.
Things escalated when he began barking orders at her. i heard “Go get me a refill now, or your walking home”. At this point I’m trying to bottle up the urge to throw my motorcycle helmet at the guy, i thought instead about what saying something to him would accomplish. My gut reaction would be to stand up and say something to the nature of “hey man don’t disrespect your woman like that,” but after thinking about it, only 2 situations could arise from me doing this. First an argument would arise, and I’d be in jail for kicking his ass, or he’d shrug it off and make her pay for it later. Neither sounded like they would go in her favor, so I kept my mouth shut.
Most people would probably disagree with my saying that i believe there are three parties at fault; the guy, his parents or absence of parents, and the girl for staying with him.
Reflecting on the scene, the first thing that comes to mind is the reaction my family would have if i were to do something like that. First, my mom would hire my dad to shoot me. Second, my grandmother would hire my grandfather to shoot me. All four would say the exact same thing: “i raised you better than that”.
From everything I have witnessed, kids are indeed raising kids. The amount of 20 year-olds and younger who have 1 or 2 children is rising drastically. This wouldn’t be such an issue forty years ago when people were having complete families by the age of 23. While that may be true, the circumstances of the time were much different.
In the early 70′s the transition to adulthood was marked by 5 milestones: completing school, leaving home, becoming financially independent, getting married, and having children. Notice the order of those. The last things are getting married and having children. Why is my generation reversing this order? I try to tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but it’s hard to do when people only think with their genitals and not with their heads.
I do not have children, but i feel i have a decent knowledge of what’s entailed in having a child. I just went to and used their “How much will your child cost you” calculator. The 4 questions asked were your geographical location, single parent, household income, and how old is your child or are you trying to conceive. I entered west coast, single parent, $60,000 a year, and trying to conceive. My total cost of raising a child to the age of 18 is $418,500.
For some reason that number seems low, but this calculator was made a few years ago so it may not be up-to-date. I’m going to round up for argument sake. $500,000 is a lot of money. I’m sure if you ask any parent who has raised a child to adulthood the amount they perceived to spend, and the amount they actually spent, differ drastically. The expense of a child is stressful, and even more stressful on one income, which is what a lot of people and myself are trying to accomplish.
Seeing these numbers, why would one try to have a child when they haven’t completed school, or have a steady source of income? Hell, who is going to think of how much money a kid costs when they are laying down with somebody at a party? Being raised to understand these things does not appear to be common practice when parent’s dole out the “birds and the bees” talk.
The paradox seems to be that treating a woman like shit is the way to get one to stick around. I think about my grandma a woman with poise, strength, and respect for herself. She is a strong willed, beautiful individual who won’t put up with your shit. I love it. If grandma has a problem, you’re going to know. Now if my grandpa tried pulling some shit like the guy at Starbucks, he’d last around 10 seconds or be ripped to shreds.
Where has this type of thinking gone? You have women who are staying with guys who treat them like hell. A few of my past relationships ended in me alone, and my ex heading back to the guy that treated her like shit. I’ve tried to figure this out, and come to realize that somewhere down the line there is a person who has made them this way. Someone has tainted their self-respect, their self-honor. You aren’t born with the feeling of being worthless.
I bet it’s hard when someone close to you such as a significant other, or parent has made you to feel worthless. Shitty parenting has horrible, long term effects, on both men and women. And from experience, pulling yourself out of such a deep trench is no easy task. It angers me to see that such beautiful people can’t find it in themselves to accept nothing but the best. No matter how beautiful the person, no matter how much you see it, they have to find it on their own. True worth comes from the inside. No person can make you feel worthy. When you do, your significant other will reciprocate those feelings. In the end it doesn’t matter because you know who you are. They will only make you feel better about yourself, and further instill the things you found on your own. That’s the job of a significant other, to appreciate what you are and supplement it.
The old days of Chivalry may not be completely gone in our culture, but their days are numbered. There are people in this world who know how to treat a woman. I was flabbergasted once by an ex who once told me that she doesn’t like to be walked to her car or when i hold the door open for her. What the hell? Come to find out, the reason is because nobody had ever done it for her. That’s what we’ve come to? Women who feel awkward when a door gets held open for them? It truly bothers me, down to my core that most men do not do such things and it actually confuses women when they are done. It sucks that the prerequisites a woman holds for a man can’t even include holding a door open. If he can’t do such a simple task, i’d love to see how he introduces himself to her parents. If my dad heard me tell the father of a girl i intended to date, “What’s up bro?” I’d be the new emblem on the front of his Scion. Not to mention, I would expect her father to do the same thing. My mom tells me that she feels bad for boys when i have a daughter because my AR15 is going to be cleaned way too many times during my daughter’s teen years. Damn right it is.
I guess my whole goal of this was to show you how our culture is going from people having common decency and common sense to having zero expectations and tons of entitlement, but rereading through this make me think it was about being smart, and being yourself. If you’re not the norm anymore (such as being chivalrous) who cares, as long as you know what you’re doing is right. Follow your heart in every situation you encounter because it will always steer you in the right direction. If you are unhappy, change it no matter how hard it may be. Do not take anything you do not deserve from anyone. Treat people with respect. Make educated decisions, not stupid mistakes. And most important of all, Follow Your Bliss.