The Different Sides

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As i stated in my intro back a few months ago, i saw a friends blog and became very intrigued. It seemed like quite the contrary way to express myself, and to for lack of a better term “put myself out there” as to which I’ve had issues doing in the past. Captivated, I started to research everything i could about blogging. I never really understood what it was, but educated by the material i was reading, it was a form of colorful writing displayed on the internet, for whatever person who crosses your web address to peruse. I couldn’t figure out what the hell I was going to blog about, so i searched what people write blogs on. I found out that a blogs subject is not limited, it can be whatever you’d like it to be about. Blogs are authored about everything from stamp collecting, to sexual frustrations. So basically, there is no standard blog topics to begin your blog with. After surfeit research i knew that i needed to have a goal about what my blog is about and what I’m trying to accomplish, rules to writing it, and what subject matter i felt suitable enough to write about.

When I started this journey i was experiencing writers block quite often. I had seen examples of blogs, read a large amount of them, but still didn’t know where to start. I knew I had to figure it out, but instead of thinking about it, i jumped up and ran with an idea, as I tend to do. My goal for my blog was undecided, and as I can recall, still is. Maybe it’s a way for me to share my life with people. No that’s not it, I’m not here to be some kind of haughty individual. Maybe it was for me to try to find ways for people to relate to me. No that’s not it. The opinions of others are becoming very trivial to me as i get older. Sitting here throwing ideas back and forth, I’m left here to think that I’m doing it because i feel I can help someone in some shape or form. Funny thing how words can ultimately heal, or utterly destroy. A simple word or phrase can truly uplift you, or shatter every piece of confidence you’ve ever had. I’m glad that I’m trying my best to be on the uplifting side of the seesaw, because I truly do understand how much words can hurt. I just hope that people can come to my blog and discover something about themselves they may have not seen, or get inspired to try something they have never tried before. I truly love making people happy, although it mostly can be positive, it can be horribly negative, but I refuse to change how I operate for anyone so here i am, doing what I can.

The biggest thing I think in my blogging is the 3 rules i have set for myself. First and foremost i always will be completely honest with myself, and with the reader when writing.

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Everything in those few posts up there is my true heart and soul for the world to see. You really think I want to explain what dumping syndrome is and how horribly it effects me? Hell no i don’t, but its pertinent subject matter to the story at hand, so I’m going to include it. I’ve learned all throughout my life, and even a bit more recently, that you need to be honest, whether it be with yourself or anyone else. It’s a hard thing laying my guts out for the world to see, but what do I accomplish writing about something and hiding information? Absolutely nothing.

My next rule involves having no expectations. I’m trying my best to just write. To express the person i am, and the things I’ve learned to the world. I’ve learned that the world may not like what I have to say, but the best thing about that is they don’t have to and I’m completely fine with that. Expecting my writing to accomplish anything other than expressing myself, is pointless. So I will not.

My biggest rule is how I get my subject matter. Almost every post, besides the first few involves something that happened at that point in time. I really feel like pulling things out of a hat to blog about is ridiculous. Usually someone will say something to me, or I’ll notice something that will spark a large amount of negative energy or feeling. Everything I’ve heard and/or seen, and write about, is negative in nature, or sparked by a negative comment. My blog posts are pertinent to things that are directly related to my life at that time of posting. I feel this is the best way to write, it shows you how you grow, how you analyze situations, how you react to said situations, and what you’ve learned. Every venture in your life to which you fail or may not prosper, is never a mistake but always a lesson. Don’t get me wrong there are blog posts up there where I was so angry i couldn’t even correctly comprehend the sentences as i wrote them. It’s like shooting words out of a gun and trying to make something work out of it. After i initially write the blog, i will wait a few days, check back, see how i perceive it with a different attitude, and adjust my closing paragraphs accordingly. It’s a style of writing i like due to the fact of its harsh way of making me understand how I act when I am angry, and when someone has something negative to say.

So as you read this you may be thinking to yourself what prompted me to write this? My last blog post was about my gastric bypass surgery. Something people don’t understand, but still feel they need to comment on. A situation pissed me off enough to start writing. In all honesty blogging about my surgery was not something i really wanted to do. It is one of the most personal things i possess, and wouldn’t normally share it. Very few people know or understand why I did what i did and feel they need to put in there .02 cents. But i don’t care, if you aren’t pissing someone off you aren’t doing something right. I wrote out my story, got a picture, posted it and shared it to Facebook. So there it was, my drastic, intimate, lifestyle change laid out for the world to see. Now normally when I blog, I will get the same viewers, who will share their thoughts with me over text or phone call, which I enjoy hearing. WordPress has a stats page that tells you stats about blogs that you have posted and how many people have viewed them. In the first 5 hours i had over 100 views, and by the third or fourth day i had amassed somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 views. My gut reaction was shit, the most personal thing I’ve ever written, just got viewed by 200 random people. it was out, i wasn’t taking it down, so i let it be. Interesting thing is, who read it and how I found out. I have my 4 four best friends, who don’t read my blog, but hell they don’t need to, they’ve been by my side though fat and thin, but nonetheless I have small social circles that i run around in. I try to always keep in touch with people of my past that i don’t normally see very often. First time i heard about somebody reading it came in regards to a friend named AJ. I rarely see the guy but he hosts a great little party in seal beach every sunday for kids from any area to come out, meet, and have a good time. After i showed up, while we were talking away, he had mentioned that he read my blog. It surprised me to say the least. He told me how he didnt know that i had gastric bypass, and i thanked him for taking the time to read it. I even told him what I’m telling you now, wondering about why it got so many hits, in which he responded “hey man it’s whats people want to see.” Among AJs nice comments, i received numerous different comments from other people. Another freind Morgan, who had recently just had the surgery done, read it and told me it made her nervous of what’s to come. I had old coworkers to whom I somewhat inspired to get the surgery done, read it along with their family members, who were taken aback on the journey. I’ve had people tell me that they cry every time they read it. I’ve had close friends and family members tell me they never realized how much pain i was in. I’ve had people tell me to never stop writing, that it makes them rethink themselves and to change direction in their life. I’ve also had people tell me that what I write is selfish, and chauvinistic. Not having any expectations, its nice to hear the various sides. It shows me that I can do something positive for somebody else with my writing. I never, in my wildest dreams thought i could do that before. I thrive off of doing positive things for people, even if that is my downfall. It’s weird as well for me to see how most of my blogs come from negative areas, or involve a negative comment. It’s interesting for me to see how I can take a negative and flip it to be a positive. It instills that fact that throughout the things i talk about I’ve learned something, and something great at that. So I usually end my blogs with some moral exposition i feel the blog has demonstrated after its been read, so ill continue that. I think after writing this blog I’ve found my reason for my blogging; to displace the negativity in myself into positivity in others. Thank you all who read this, I hope to provide more insightful things for you to enjoy.

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